


Wake Me Up When November Ends

by TheRealKags



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss of Parent(s), Mental Breakdown, Sad Hinata Shouyou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-01-31 05:12:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12675090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealKags/pseuds/TheRealKags
Summary: November ninth. The day the world stopped spinning.The day his father committed suicide.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> here’s a sort of vent piece i guess. all i know is that i’m sad.

Six years. God, had it really been six years already?

Hinata was just nine years old when it happened. The gravity of the situation took all day to sink into his childish brain. But that was the day his childhood ended and the agonizingly long grieving process began.

November ninth. The day the world stopped spinning.

The day his father committed suicide.

He overslept that morning. On purpose. By the time he woke up, it was half an hour later than he usually began getting ready. The middle blocker literally rolled out of bed, got dressed, grabbed his bags, and left. He didn’t eat, he didn’t comb his hair, he didn’t brush his teeth or shower. One thing he made sure he did, though, was throw on one of his dad’s old, oversized sweaters.

They say that time heals all wounds. That you’ll grow older and it’ll get better. That sentence is half true. You will grow older, but each passing year is just as hard as the last- if not harder.

Hinata walked to school. Since he didn’t put any effort into getting ready this morning, he left on time. His feet dragged and when he reached the point in his route where Kageyama was waiting for him, he didn’t stop. He walked right past the setter.

“Hey, dumbass,” he said. “What’re you doing? Aren’t we going to race?”

Hinata shook his head and kept on walking. Kageyama followed closely.

“What the hell is wrong with you,” the setter demanded, grabbing Hinata roughly by the shoulder.

The redhead stopped walking and shrugged Kageyama’s hand off of him.

“Nothing,” he said. “I just don’t feel like racing today. That’s all.”

He continued to walk and Kageyama silently followed. They were quiet all the way until they reached the club room and changed, but Hinata stayed in his sweater until they got to the gym.

Tsukishima walked in, Yamaguchi at his side. “You look like shit,” he said to Hinata, who simply nodded in response.

Suga was next to approach him. Everyone was starting to run laps when the third year pulled him aside.

“Is everything okay?”

Hinata made a feeble attempt to pull the corners of his lips into a smile, but it was agonizing. He gave up and gave Suga his generic “yes” response before turning and joining the others in running.

Practice itself was just as agonizing as that one exchange. It seemed to drag on for forever and people kept telling him to take off his sweater but he didn’t want to. He couldn’t do it- wouldn’t do it. Hinata wanted to try to stay as close to his dad today as he could- he wanted to do what he neglected to do on this day six years ago. If only he’d been there, things might have ended differently. If only.

When practice ended, Hinata left the gym, still not racing Kageyama in getting ready or going to class. Even though it was against the dress code, he still wore his sweater over his uniform. When he got to his first period class, he was asked to take it off.

Hinata crossed his arms. “No.”

The teacher raised her eyebrows. “It’s against the dress code,” she informed. “If you don’t take it off, I’ll have to write you up.”

“Go ahea-“

“Sorry, ma’am,” a voice from behind Hinata came. He looked up to see Kageyama standing behind him. “He’ll take it off. He doesn’t want to have to miss volleyball to serve his detentions, right Hinata?”

Hinata glared at him before nodding. The teacher walked away and Kageyama spoke.

“Why won’t you take the damn thing off? It doesn’t even fit you.”

The middle blocker’s eyes flooded with tears but he blinked them away. “I don’t want to.”

“Just hold it or something,” Kageyama suggested.

Hinata weighed his options and decided that instead of wearing it, he’d hug it close all day long, and then put it on as soon as school ended.

His morning classes went by without Hinata picking up his pencil a single time. He sat slumped in his seat, using the sweater as a pillow and only made an effort in class when a teacher threatened to write him up. Lunch came and he went to the cafeteria, sitting at his table with Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yachi, and Yamaguchi. When he sat down, he put the sweater on the table and laid his head on it, leaving his unopened bento to the side.

“Are you okay,” Yachi asked.

Hinata nodded into the sweater.

“You should eat,” Yamaguchi pointed out, grabbing Hinata’s bento and opening it. “This looks good, and plus, you’ll need the energy for practice.”

The middle blocker sat up and grabbed his chopsticks, pushing the food around. After several minutes, he just put the bento away altogether.

Afternoon classes passed in a blur. Several of Hinata’s classmates and teachers approached him at different times asking if he was alright, and he always answered that he was fine.

He didn’t want to tell anybody about how broken his family was. He didn’t want to tell anybody about the crushing grief. He didn’t want their pity, didn’t want their worry. He just wanted to be left alone.

When practice came again, Hinata wore the sweater over his practice clothes. Coach told him to take it off countless times and he was sweating buckets, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. So he suffered through practice, taking a couple balls to the face due to his distractedness, before, finally, he could go home.

The redhead was the first one out of the gym that day. He’d normally be the last, but today wasn’t a normal day. It wasn’t even a normal hour, because now it was almost ten thirty because they had a late practice and that was the exact time his father’s gun went off that day and his eyes were watering and he couldn’t hold it in anymore and-

Hinata heard footsteps approaching him from behind.

“Wait up,” called Kageyama. The setter caught up with him. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve been acting weird all day today.”

Hinata stopped walking. He couldn’t take it anymore. He hid behind his hair, staring at the ground, fists clenched.

“Hey, what is it,” Kageyama asked. Hinata didn’t answer, tears falling onto the pavement. “What’s wrong?”

At that moment, Hinata broke out into loud sobs. There he was, standing outside the gym, wailing, and everyone inside could surely hear him. He crashed to his knees and brought his hands to his face, basically screaming out his grief.

“He’s gone,” Hinata cried. “He’s gone and six years is too long, I can’t even remember what his v-voice sounded like or which ha-hand he wrote with or exactly what color his eyes were or... Or anything!”

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Who is it,” came Suga’s soft voice- when did the third year even get here?

“He-He’s... He’s my d-dad,” Hinata barely gasped out.

There was a silence for a second before he felt Suga tugging on his arm.

“Let’s go back in and talk,” the third year suggested.

Hinata let himself be led back into the gym and sat down on the bench. He couldn’t tell who was around him at the time because his vision was so blurred with tears that fell in a steady stream down his face. One thing he knew was that Suga and Kageyama were sitting on either side of him, each of them with one hand on his back.

“It’s okay,” Kageyama said.

Hinata burst. “No, it’s not!” He was yelling. “It’s not okay, he-he shouldn’t have d-done that to himself, he shouldn’t have- how could he just leave us like that?!”

Everyone in the gym was silent. Hinata let everything out until he was just too tired to cry anymore. His head was pounding now and his throat was raw from the crying. He was left sniffling and mopping up the snot and tears with the sleeve of his sweater.

“I’m sorry, Hinata,” Suga said, wrapping his arms around him. “I’m sorry for whatever happened to your dad. I’m-“

“He killed himself,” Hinata deadpanned. “I was nine.”

The redhead glanced up and saw his teammates worried, shocked faces, before looking back to the ground.

“And now I’m forgetting,” he whimpered, new tears falling down his cheeks. “I’m forgetting the things I should remember, like what his favorite color was, or how he walked, or exactly how tall he was, or... Just so many things.”

The gym was still silent and Hinata forced himself to stop crying and stand shakily.

“I’m sorry, you guys,” he said. “I-I know I should be over this by now. I’m just gonna-“

His phone rang. It was an alarm. An alarm he’d set for ten thirty-four. The exact moment the gun went off that day. Hinata froze for a moment before fishing the phone out of his pocket and turning off the alarm, staring at the time on the clock. He closed his eyes and tried to keep his composure as a few more tears slipped before turning to walk away. He was stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to face the captain.

“Hinata,” Daichi said. “You don’t have to be over it.”

“A loss like that is something we don’t expect you to be over,” Suga continued. “Just let us help you.”

Within no time, he found himself sitting next to Kageyama on a bench outside of Ukai’s store, Suga and Daichi emerging from the building with four meat buns. They handed them out before sitting down, themselves. Hinata was the first to break the silence.

“Time just goes by so fast,” he said. “I have a crap memory, but I could tell you every detail about how I found out he’d died.”

_It was November tenth. A Thursday. The sky was gray all day and it was absolutely frigid outside, but there wasn’t much wind, only the occasional raindrop. He emerged from his bedroom at eight thirty-seven in the morning, wondering why his mom never got him up for school. He walked into the living room to find her sitting on the couch, eyes red and puffy, with Hinata’s cousin and aunt next to her. She told him to sit on the couch._

_“Daddy hurt himself last night,” she’d said. “He’s not here anymore.”_

_His first thought was, okay, so if he’s not here, then he’s probably in some hospital somewhere and they’ll go see him. He responded with a simple okay._

_Hinata’s mom had a terrifying breakdown that day. It was to be expected, because she’d been on the phone with Hinata’s father when he’d pointed that gun to his head and pulled the trigger. She heard the gunshot that killed her ex-husband. Hinata watched as friends and family tried to console his mother who was legitimately screaming out her grief and sorrow._

_It wasn’t until that night, hours after the breakdown, hours after dozens of people came into their home with casseroles and flowers and sad eyes that he realized. He’d never see his dad again._

_Hinata had a breakdown of his own._

“It’s like...” He paused. “It’s like he was never real. It’s like he was always just a memory.”

Hinata stares at the meat bun in his hands, not taking a bite. He hadn’t eaten all day.

“I’m so sorry that happened, Hinata,” Suga said. “I don’t know what to say.”

The middle blocker nodded, wiping away a stray tear. “It is what it is, I guess,” he replied.

They watched the empty streets for a second before the redhead stood up. “I’m okay,” he said. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” The others began to follow him. “I should probably get home. Thanks for everything, guys.”

Hinata and Kageyama set off in the opposite direction from where the third years were going. Kageyama sent nervous glances toward his spiker the entire walk until they parted ways. When he was alone, Hinata checked his watch. It was eleven nineteen. One minute and it would be the exact anniversary of when his father’s heart beat for the last time. He watched the time until the number changed.

“Six years,” he whispered.

Hinata looked up towards the sky. The stars were extra bright and the moon was full against the deep blue- almost black- sky. There was a breeze. Hinata shivered. Then he saw it.

A shooting star. Hinata closed his eyes.

_I wish for no one to ever have to go through what I did._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sad.

Hinata dragged his feet as he walked home. When he got inside, he sighed, throwing his bag on the ground and slipping his shoes off.

“Hey, kiddo!”

The redhead looked to his left and saw his dad standing in the doorway of the kitchen, holding a mug.

“Hey,” Hinata replied glumly, flopping down on the couch.

His dad raised his eyebrows and sat next to him. “What’s wrong?”

“We-“ Hinata’s voice broke and his lip quivered. “We lost the inter-high.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” his dad said, hugging him. “You’ll get it next time.”

“No I won’t,” Hinata cried. “I’m so bad at volleyball, if I wasn’t playing we would’ve won.”

“Don’t say that! I’ve seen you play, you’re very good.”

“I’m not as good as everyone else.”

“This is your first year playing with a team.” The man rubbed his shoulder. “You’ve got to cut yourself some slack. Besides, volleyball is a team sport for a reason. Its not up to one person to carry the whole team.”

“I wish I was better, though,” the redhead cried.

“Then practice,” Hinata’s dad suggested. “You’ve improved so much lately, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that you’ll get even better.”

“What if they blame me for losing?”

His dad raised his eyebrows. “Oh, come on, Shouyou. Be rational- do you really think they’d blame you? Aren’t they your friends?” Hinata nodded. “If that’s true, then they won’t blame you.”

Hinata scooted closer to his dad and hugged him back.

“I love you, Dad,” he said, still crying.

“I love you, too.”

Awake.

Hinata opened his eyes and he was lying in the dark, the white noise of his fan flooding his ears. He was groggy at first, but woke up quickly when he came to some realizations.

None of that was real.

They lost the inter-high.

His dad was still dead.

Hinata cried.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so a few nights ago i woke up, grabbed a paper and pen, wrote down “prison au” and went back to sleep. i have no idea what was going through my mind, but you guys may be getting a prison au in 2018.


End file.
